The Monster

With winter coming around again, the depression has begun to seep its greedy little claws into me. I have fought hard to keep it at bay and managed pretty well over the summer. With nice weather its easy to keep the mind and body occupied. For me that's important. Staying out of my head is what helps me the most. Sadly with all the new changes in my life and the weather cold and dreary its been extremely hard to keep it at bay. Many people don't understand what depression is, they think its something you can control and that its just simply feeling sad. Depression is so much more.

Depression is an illness a chemical imbalance in the brain. It affects your mind body and soul in so many ways. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it and for most only medication can help. I use a combination of things to help me. Number one and most important is my medication. I take it religiously like my life depended on it, because in fact my life does depend on it. Second I work out at the gym daily. It helps keep me centered and feeling great it also gives me that time needed to relax and enjoy my peace. And lastly I keep myself occupied with hobbies, I find it best not to dwell on things and to stay out of my head.

I have been doing my ritual but.....I am finding it hard to focus on the hobbies. For me its writing and drawing and I cannot seem to find my muse. I think he stepped out for a bit. I use my muse to write books and create interesting art. I just feel like he hasn't been enough lately. He hasn't made me rich or successful. That's probably why he stepped out for a while. He wants me to realize that I don't need to be rich and successful to be happy.

I always have the answers right there on my fingertips I just cannot get my brain to comprehend what it needs to do. I just need that little push to get me motivated. I find it so much easier to help others than I do to help myself. I will defeat this monster and I will succeed with something to show for it. I promise you that.